Asher goes to therapy of some sort Monday- Thursday.
Every morning we pack up, get in the car, and drive to therapy,, pull in unpack, and walk into therapy.
Every Tuesday we walk past a 13-15 year old boy, that just sits in his wheel chair,,, he sits on the curb with his nurse, and waits for the doctor transit bus to come get him
The lil guy appears to have endured severe brain damage, he is paralyzed, and his mouth hangs open, his head doesn't move,, and although his eyes so move, it is difficult to tell what lies behind them.
The first time I past him going in, in a huge hurry,, but noticed he was sweating, it is hot here in florida, and he was outside in the hot sun waiting,, i instantly thought about Asher in his car seat, and my constant quest to keep him cool.
The second time I past him going in,, I thought he made a sound,, so I stopped and smiled at him,, and said "hi",,, no sound,,, but i stood there anyway,, and carried on a conversation,, asked him how he was today?? ( no answer) Had Asher wave at him,, and tried to get asher to tell him "hi". No answer,, although I thought for sure I saw his blue eyes sparkle....
The little boy is someone who in the past I would probably walk past, and feel bad, or uncomfortable, or worry that i was staring so i wouldn't look over,,, don't lie you all do it.... you see someone so disabled it is shocking, and although your heart feels compassion,, you just don't know what exactly to do,, with your eyes, your voice, anything, it is foreign,, and a slight reminder to be thankful,, but also a slap saying this could be you, or your child,, life is brutal!
Now imagine those feelings, and multiply it by 50, there, now you have my feelings the first time I saw him,, I was looking directly at would could have, and in reality should have been my son in 13 years,, Asher was a breath away from being either dead, or confined to a wheelchair with little windows to the world being all he had to communicate....... My heart actually had a small seizure when i saw this little guy,,, and i felt so confused, and literally scared.... Asher has more surgeries to come,, and in reality there is a chance he could stroke, a good chance, and there is a chance he could be medically very similar to this little boy.... So here i am faced with two options,, ignore, and pretend, or confront, and love,,,, i chose to confront and love,, yes when i talk to him it scares me,, because i envision Asher sitting in the heat of his wheel chair, and i feel such pain thinking about it,,, but that very vision is what inspires me to love this little boy that I don't even know....
In a way he reminds me of Asher, and the fact he sits all alone makes me want to wheel him home and take care of him,, although not a reality it does make me feel connected to him to carry on my one person conversations, and to pray for him everyday,, and to be thankful for the path Asher is on,,.
It is interesting how an uncomfortable feeling once confronted, actually has meaning, and quite possibly a purpose,, it just takes a moment to stop, listen, and then say hi!